Monday, October 23, 2006

IRAQ = VIETNAM OR WAR FOR MIDDLE EARTH

By Stockton

President Bush recently admitted that the Iraq War bore some similarities to the Vietnam War. However, Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum opted for another analogy:



"As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else. It's being drawn to Iraq and it's not being drawn to the U.S."

-- Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), quoted by Salon, likening the Iraq War to the Lord of the Rings.

Questions over the allegory however, still remain. Smorgasblog attempted to get the Republican Senator, now locked in a close battle to retain his senate seat, to clarify his literary allusion at a campaign press conference.

Stockton: Senator, just who are the Hobbits in your scenario?

Santorum: The American people are the Hobbits and we've been successful in having the Eye of Mordor directed away from...

Stockton: Right, Eye of Mordor. But if we are the Hobbits...if Americans are the Hobbits, where is Mount Doom and why are we climbing it?

Santorum: Uhm...Mount Doom...if we're Hobbits we want the Eye....

Stockton: Is it Mount McKinley? Is it your position that Mount McKinley is Mount Doom?

Santorum: Absolutely not. I never said...

Stockton: Is the Bush Administration Mount Doom?

Santorum: No, the Bush Administration...they're like the Council of Elrond....where Aslan and Dumbledore decided to draw a line in the sand and build a Democracy in...

Stockton: Is the President Pippin?

Santorum: More like Gandalf, a wise and...

Stockton: But we're Hobbits, right?

Santorum: Right...and the Eye of....

Stockton: Should a wizard be ruling American Hobbitry? Wouldn't that be like the United Nations ruling the United States, with Gandalf as General Secretary?

Santorum: You're twisting my words. It's people like you that endanger our country. Why would any person oppose violating the Cracks of Mount Doom?

Stockton: Just one more question, Senator: Is traditional marriage Sauron's next target?

Santorum: Fuck You!



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