Sunday, February 11, 2007


Since we are unable to post on a regular basis, we thought we'd cannibalize our prior work. So for now, we offer Stockton & Tweed classic:

From Lickin' Bush in '04 - October, 2004

By Stockton

After an exhaustive study, the Bush Administration has determined that there is little or no terrorist violence in Iraq, just defective automobiles.

In a press release, the Administration noted that the car bombings, once thought to be the work of terrorists are, in fact, the result of defective automobiles.

"It's a bit of a relief," said Scott McClellan, White House Press Secretary. "We knew this Iraq thing was going to work but the violence was such a surprise. Now we know better. It's defective cars. They're exploding all over Iraq."

"It certainly makes me feel better," said L. Paul Bremer, former Gauleiter of Iraq. "I thought I had messed up. I thought we needed more ground troops. We just needed more personal injury attorneys. Most of these cars are probably manufactured in France."

With this revealation, the pressure now mounts on Iraq's infant civil law system. The question is: Can the new courts handle the massive products liability claims sure to be filed in the next few months?

"I have no idea," says Ramhal ibn-Ibin, Judical Administrator. "We don't know much about western tort law. Up until now, if someone injured you, your family had the option to confiscate the offending man's daughter or to have the man torn apart by wild dogs. This is all so new for us."

According to automotive design engineers, the most common problem with Iraqi cars is the thickness of the steel surrounding the gas tank. "It's too thin," says Gilbert Hobart, chief designer of GM. "When it gets damaged, say by a bouncing rock or by a bump in the road, it can explode quite easily." Hobart also notes that tons of TNT placed in the vehicles trunk may also cause problems if detonated.

As the number of vehicles in Iraq steadily diminished (from 13.8 million in 2003 to 122 in 2004), Iraqi's are confident the elections will proceed as scheduled.


Due to cut-backs at the prison, the warden has limited our access to the internets. Postings will be sporadic from now until 2008. Luckily, our parole hearings coincide with the start of the Presidential Primary season.

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