Wednesday, September 13, 2006
TAKE ME OUT TO THE كرة, حفلة راقصة, رصاصة, جسم مستدير
By Tweed
The Bush administration announced significant progress in the normalization of the situation in Iraq. With the smell of Tabssi and date filled pastry in the air, the new national baseball league opened the season with a double header at Haliburton Field in downtown Iraq, as the Baghdad Bedouins faced the Tikrit Fatwas*
The action started quickly, as the Bedouins opened-up a six-run lead in the bottom of the first inning. A routine ground-ball turned into a stand-up double for lead-off hitter Akmed el Sharazad as second baseman Terk Kelmeni al Sein was distracted by a female spectator's showing of her ankle to the entire stadium. Play resumed after the stoning, and the Bedouins scored six runs as Fatwa left fielder Sidhair Kazoolt was mangled by a land mine.
The six runs was enough for Bedouin pitcher Ali al Seinham, who scattered six hits through nine innings, and gave up only one run. al Seinham awed the Fatwas with a combination of split-finger fastballs, a huge curve and a few IADs strategically placed along the first-base line. Crafty south-paw, Khalid "Jimmy" Fakkad, starting pitcher for the Fatwas, gave up six earned runs through four innings before detonating himself.
After the game, al Seinham said he felt very comfortable all day, and credited the scattered rifle shots from right field with keeping the Fatwa hitters off-balance.
The second game went to the Fatwas, but in a closer match. The Fatwas opened an assault in the top of the third with four well-placed hits and mortar fire. After scoring two, the Fatwas denied the Bedouins attempt to score a run in the bottom of the third as catcher Ali Sunni gunned down Bedouins baserunner Ali Shee as he tried to steal third. After Ali Shee's blood was thoroughly mixed with the infield sand, played resumed, but the Beouins failed to score a run. The Fatwas scored two more runs in the fifth and sixth innings, but the game was called in the seventh, on account of flying shrapnel.
After the game Bedouin pitcher Khaled Sistannhi received terrible treatment at the hands of the Bedouin fans, who threw rocks at him every inning after the third. Manager Moudi Rachmanni used the team cleaver to chop off Sistannhi's pitching hand as punishment for the poor outing.
After the game, four sports writers were kidnapped.
Bedouin catcher Elmud Ibn Izir went 3 -4 with two RBI's, a stolen base, severe lacerations to both legs, a grade I trimalleolar fracture and a life threatening concussion. He's expected to be back in the lineup on Thursday.
Both the Iraqi and American governments hope to use the success of opening day as a sign of the progress that has been made in Iraq.
* The Fatwas original name chosen by US forces was the Towel-Heads, but was changed shortly before the season opened after the third day of rioting in Tikrit.
The Bush administration announced significant progress in the normalization of the situation in Iraq. With the smell of Tabssi and date filled pastry in the air, the new national baseball league opened the season with a double header at Haliburton Field in downtown Iraq, as the Baghdad Bedouins faced the Tikrit Fatwas*
The action started quickly, as the Bedouins opened-up a six-run lead in the bottom of the first inning. A routine ground-ball turned into a stand-up double for lead-off hitter Akmed el Sharazad as second baseman Terk Kelmeni al Sein was distracted by a female spectator's showing of her ankle to the entire stadium. Play resumed after the stoning, and the Bedouins scored six runs as Fatwa left fielder Sidhair Kazoolt was mangled by a land mine.
The six runs was enough for Bedouin pitcher Ali al Seinham, who scattered six hits through nine innings, and gave up only one run. al Seinham awed the Fatwas with a combination of split-finger fastballs, a huge curve and a few IADs strategically placed along the first-base line. Crafty south-paw, Khalid "Jimmy" Fakkad, starting pitcher for the Fatwas, gave up six earned runs through four innings before detonating himself.
After the game, al Seinham said he felt very comfortable all day, and credited the scattered rifle shots from right field with keeping the Fatwa hitters off-balance.
The second game went to the Fatwas, but in a closer match. The Fatwas opened an assault in the top of the third with four well-placed hits and mortar fire. After scoring two, the Fatwas denied the Bedouins attempt to score a run in the bottom of the third as catcher Ali Sunni gunned down Bedouins baserunner Ali Shee as he tried to steal third. After Ali Shee's blood was thoroughly mixed with the infield sand, played resumed, but the Beouins failed to score a run. The Fatwas scored two more runs in the fifth and sixth innings, but the game was called in the seventh, on account of flying shrapnel.
After the game Bedouin pitcher Khaled Sistannhi received terrible treatment at the hands of the Bedouin fans, who threw rocks at him every inning after the third. Manager Moudi Rachmanni used the team cleaver to chop off Sistannhi's pitching hand as punishment for the poor outing.
After the game, four sports writers were kidnapped.
Both the Iraqi and American governments hope to use the success of opening day as a sign of the progress that has been made in Iraq.
* The Fatwas original name chosen by US forces was the Towel-Heads, but was changed shortly before the season opened after the third day of rioting in Tikrit.
