By Stockton

We are pleased to report good news on the Culture War Front. The forces of Secular Extremism are, while not completely routed, in retreat. The Good News:

1. According to Texas Senator John Cornyn, there have been no documented cases of Man - Box Turtle marriages for the entire year to date;

2. According to the office of Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum, no one has tried to marry a dog in 2006 (there is no data for North Dakota);

3. Sales of wife-beater t-shirts are up 18%;

4. Nascar ticket sales are on the rise;

5. Literacy is down, 3%;

6. Assaults on Santa's Elves is at an all-time low.*

Not everything on the Culture War Front is rosy. Terry Schiavo is still dead and at least 49 states still allow the Theory of Evolution to be taught in science class.

So, saddle-up! We still have work to do!

*In fact, this year, only one elf, Jeepers, was injured during an attack. That injury occurred during a bar fight with the Easter Bunny