Monday, July 10, 2006
DISPATCH FROM THE FRONT
A dispatch from our embedded reporter at the front:
Albany, NY July 7, 2006
This past week, Allied Forces scored two decisive victories in the War on Marriage, on two different fronts. Both New York State and Georgia rejected same-sex marriage.
The outcome in Georgia was fairly certain but the victory in New York is being hailed by defenders of traditional marriage as a crushing blow to the insurgents.
"We struck deep into the heart of Blue territory," said one Allied commander. "It was like the confederacy and Gettysburg. Only this time the good guys won."
New York and New England, the so-called Blue Triangle, has been a thorn in the side of traditional marriage. A skirmish in Vermont a few years ago resulted in Civil Unions. Later, guerrillas in Massachusetts routed Allied Forces, leaving homo-fascists in de facto control of the entire state.
"It's rugged country in New England," said one Allied soldier. "Tough to get a toe-hold. Just ask the British."
Archival footage of Allied Soldier retreating from Massachusetts
In New York, victory came after months of brutal combat, much of it house to house, in and around Albany. According to intelligence reports, Anti-Marriage forces have retreated to Greenwich Village.
The most severe fighting occurred near the NY State Court of Appeals building, where a fanatical squad of interior decorators held off wave after wave of Allied attacks for hours before they were subdued. The insurgents were armed with light hairdryers.
Reverend Hobart Holcomb, Commander of the Allied Forces, addressed the nation after the astounding victory in New York.
"We have won a mighty victory for the forces of decency. But we must stay vigilant. We cannot rest for our enemy does not rest. When we stop to pray, they are sodomizing each other. When we rest or seek sustenance, they are playing show tunes. Tonight, we can rest easy but tomorrow the fight must continue."
For now though, even in New York, 'Pee-Pee's' can marry only 'Hoo-Hoo's.'
Allied soldiers march through Albany
This reporter remains humbled by the courage and dedication of our men and women in uniform. Each soldier I have met feels that this is a great and glorious cause. They do not regret putting their lives on hold to ensure that our American way of life continues. As Lance Corporal Edward Sturdivant (Holcomb, Alabama), who enlisted with five half-brothers and seven step-brothers, told me:
"Daddy was married six times and I'd just hate to think that none of those marriage vows he swore before God meant anything."
(Stockton is embedded with the 32nd Armored Division. He can be reached at stocktontweedsb@yahoo.com)
Albany, NY July 7, 2006
This past week, Allied Forces scored two decisive victories in the War on Marriage, on two different fronts. Both New York State and Georgia rejected same-sex marriage.
The outcome in Georgia was fairly certain but the victory in New York is being hailed by defenders of traditional marriage as a crushing blow to the insurgents.
"We struck deep into the heart of Blue territory," said one Allied commander. "It was like the confederacy and Gettysburg. Only this time the good guys won."
New York and New England, the so-called Blue Triangle, has been a thorn in the side of traditional marriage. A skirmish in Vermont a few years ago resulted in Civil Unions. Later, guerrillas in Massachusetts routed Allied Forces, leaving homo-fascists in de facto control of the entire state.
"It's rugged country in New England," said one Allied soldier. "Tough to get a toe-hold. Just ask the British."
In New York, victory came after months of brutal combat, much of it house to house, in and around Albany. According to intelligence reports, Anti-Marriage forces have retreated to Greenwich Village.
The most severe fighting occurred near the NY State Court of Appeals building, where a fanatical squad of interior decorators held off wave after wave of Allied attacks for hours before they were subdued. The insurgents were armed with light hairdryers.
Reverend Hobart Holcomb, Commander of the Allied Forces, addressed the nation after the astounding victory in New York.
"We have won a mighty victory for the forces of decency. But we must stay vigilant. We cannot rest for our enemy does not rest. When we stop to pray, they are sodomizing each other. When we rest or seek sustenance, they are playing show tunes. Tonight, we can rest easy but tomorrow the fight must continue."
For now though, even in New York, 'Pee-Pee's' can marry only 'Hoo-Hoo's.'
This reporter remains humbled by the courage and dedication of our men and women in uniform. Each soldier I have met feels that this is a great and glorious cause. They do not regret putting their lives on hold to ensure that our American way of life continues. As Lance Corporal Edward Sturdivant (Holcomb, Alabama), who enlisted with five half-brothers and seven step-brothers, told me:
"Daddy was married six times and I'd just hate to think that none of those marriage vows he swore before God meant anything."
(Stockton is embedded with the 32nd Armored Division. He can be reached at stocktontweedsb@yahoo.com)
