Your Inside the Beltway Look at the Lives of the Politicos By Headley Tweedley

This Installment. . .

"Dick Hits The D-List"

Dick Cheney, or "Richie" to his close friends, has been on and off Washington's D-List for a long time - ever since he was panned by the critics and audiences alike in his vote against cop-killer bullets back in the 80's. Richie made a run for the A-List in late 80s and early 90s as Senior's confident and competent Defense Secretary. His performance, though dry and lifeless, much like some of his recent hunting companions, earned some critical thumbs-up and general audience approval.

But his run to stardom seemed to come to an end when personally charming, but publicly Mr. Perennially foot-in-mouth, Senior was canceled for the younger and hipper "The Clinton Years."

The intervening years were rewarding for Richie, as he starred in the long-running off-Broadway production of "Haliburton." Mixed reviews, and out of the spotlight, Cheney did his best to avoid the plight of many has-beens; drugs, prostitution, and a permanent fixture at Republican fundraising events.

But Richie stormed back taking a secondary but important role in the development of Junior's big production. Richie had finally made it to lavish A-List parties as he charmed the critics for his performance in the overall poorly received "Vice Presidential Debates." And he was initially hailed in his grey-beard role in Junior's controversial production. Comparisons to the late John Spencer's work in "The West Wing," were on peoples' lips.

But Richie couldn't hold it together and a series of box-office flops,"Energy Policy," "Environmental Rush," and "The Disarmament Game" followed.

Richie made a run at a comeback hit with "Weapons of Mass Destruction," (popularized by bad-boy Osama bin Laden and helped along by the performance of tall, dark and handsome Colin Powell). But the run sputtered out with the release of "The Dictatorship of Saddam Hussein," a dreary tale of a third-rate tyrant which critics called, "derivative of 1930's Europe."

Then came Scooter Libby and Valerie Plame. While only a supporting player in Intimidate, his performance was not well received by the critics.

With ratings lower than Hollywood murderer O.J. Simpson and the last season of "Roseanne," Richie tried to turn things around. Instead, the shot he took at the A-List only resulted in the maiming of a South Texas lawyer.

Richie's controversial PR gimmick was planned to show the humane and sensitive side of Richie, insiders say. Instead, Richie turned in another classic Cheney performance showing a lack of charm and grace some reviewers termed "disgraceful," and to which audiences gave a collective Bronx cheer. The plan was to have Richie shoot a Texas lawyer in the leg, run to his side and "be there for him," showing remorse, sympathy and empathy.

But the role was too much of a stretch for this character actor. Richie instead went with his gut, which has produced some stunning performances for others, such as Al Sharpton in "Who Wants to be President: 2004," and the late Paul Wellstone's "Professor Wellstone goes to Washington." But for Richie, it was like watching John Travolta's "Battlefield Earth" (which had better lighting and makeup, incidentally).

And his gut told him to shoot the lawyer in the face and retire to an undisclosed location.

No one knows what the future holds for Richie but the words "Info-Mercial" certainly come to mind.