Wednesday, March 15, 2006
STEROID SCANDAL GROWS
By Stockton
If you thought only professional and would-be professional athletes took "performance enhancing" drugs, think again. Now, the scandal has spread to our household pets.
"You don't understand the pressure," said Nibbles, a teenage hamster. "My family isn't wealthy and I need a scholarship if I want to make something of myself."
Nibbles used steroids in order to gain an edge in the "Wheel" finals. "You try going around and around and around and around in that damn thing," said a frustrated and ornary Nibbles. "It's my dad! He pushes me. He wants me to be a winner and he's already pissed-off that I ate my brother and sister."
What does the future hold for Nibbles?
If you thought only professional and would-be professional athletes took "performance enhancing" drugs, think again. Now, the scandal has spread to our household pets.
In an experiment with teenage hamsters given anabolic steroids, scientists found that the animals continued to chase and bite their brethren for days during withdrawal from the muscle-building hormones.
"You don't understand the pressure," said Nibbles, a teenage hamster. "My family isn't wealthy and I need a scholarship if I want to make something of myself."
Nibbles used steroids in order to gain an edge in the "Wheel" finals. "You try going around and around and around and around in that damn thing," said a frustrated and ornary Nibbles. "It's my dad! He pushes me. He wants me to be a winner and he's already pissed-off that I ate my brother and sister."
